I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
