Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize