He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize