Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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