I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
