I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
