i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
