I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
