new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
