No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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