he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
