the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
