i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
