So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
