i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
