our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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