She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
