I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
