Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
