Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
