what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
