what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
