just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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