Farmville is her only friend.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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