He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
