we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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