I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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