and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
