After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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