guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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