He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
