my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
