why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
3pm strippers are depressing
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
