Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
