I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
