I puked a lego.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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