He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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