I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
