We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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