He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
