you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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