ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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