So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
