And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What drink are we having for lunch?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
