Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
