This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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