i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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