You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
