I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
