You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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