If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
