Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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