woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No more Irish car bombs ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
