I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
