Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
