Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
