my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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