I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
