she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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