im six kinds of drunk right now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
