Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
