it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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