So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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