Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
