How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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