I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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