dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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