If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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