literally had 100 drinks last night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
