A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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