Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
